I vividly recall the confused expression on a family member’s face when I first described my decision to become a sex therapist. Their eyes widened in shock, as they figuratively clutched their pearls and asked, “So, what is it that you will… do?”
Well, in short, we talk about and emotionally process sexual issues!
It shouldn’t be that mystifying, yet over the years I’ve noticed a similar pattern of confusion from colleagues and clients when they learn that I am a sex therapist. In fact, since many clients come to me primarily for other issues like trauma, anxiety, family dynamics, or couples therapy, many learn about this specialization during treatment. However, once clients find out that I have added training in sexual issues, the typical response is a resounding relief. This response makes so much sense when you consider the landscape we live in.
Sex Negativity & Societal Programming
We live in a society saturated with misconceptions about sex, gender, and intimacy, fostering a culture of sex negativity. Your upbringing and cultural background shape your beliefs and may contribute to added feelings of shame and confusion around sexuality.
As a Mexican-Italian clinician raised in a Catholic household, I’ve experienced firsthand the impact of these myths. My journey to becoming a sex therapist has involved years of dismantling harmful narratives and embracing critical thinking to promote a healthier understanding of sexuality.
Sex Negativity in Therapy
It’s always struck me as bewildering how, despite being such a fundamental aspect of human experience, sex and pleasure are often clouded in shame. Regrettably, this shame seeps into therapeutic settings, much like implicit biases and issues such as mononormativity, as explored in previous posts. Consequently, many therapists shy away from discussing sexual matters, exacerbated by the scant attention given to human sexuality in most marriage and family therapy programs.
Moreover, there’s been criticism directed at certain sections of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) regarding its approach to sexuality. While the DSM-5 acknowledges gender dysphoria as a valid diagnosis, some argue that its inclusion pathologizes transgender identities. Critics contend that being transgender is not a disorder but a natural aspect of human diversity. Similarly, the DSM’s classification of sexual dysfunctions like erectile disorder and female orgasmic disorder has faced scrutiny. Critics argue that these classifications medicalize normal variations in sexual function and place undue importance on achieving specific sexual norms, potentially alienating individuals whose experiences diverge from these norms.
Indeed, fields like psychiatry and psychology have historically pathologized sexual behaviors and identities that don’t align with societal norms. This medicalization of natural sexual variations reinforces harmful stereotypes and prejudices against marginalized groups, including LGBTQ+ individuals and those with diverse sexual orientations and gender identities.
What is “Normal” Anyway?
Human sexuality is incredibly diverse and multifaceted. Individuals exhibit a wide spectrum of desires, preferences, and behaviors, influenced by factors such as personal experiences, cultural backgrounds, and individual differences. What’s deemed “normal” for one person or community may not apply universally. The notion of “normal” sexual functioning is often shaped by societal and cultural constructs, reflecting prevailing norms and values that are imbued with power dynamics and economic interests. These constructs, influenced by historical, religious, and ideological factors, can marginalize and stigmatize sexual identities and behaviors diverging from the perceived norm.
Labeling certain sexual behaviors or identities as “abnormal” or “disordered” perpetuates stigma and discrimination, fostering social exclusion. This stigma exacts a heavy toll on individuals’ mental health, self-esteem, and overall well-being, engendering feelings of shame, guilt, and isolation. Such experiences often inflict deep emotional wounds.
Eight Things to Expect in Treatment with Me
Sex counselors are a diverse group, each with their own unique approach and theoretical foundations. Personally, I practice trauma-focused therapy through an intersectional feminist perspective. In my sessions, I frequently integrate modalities such as EMDR, Internal Family Systems informed parts work, Emotionally-Focused Individual Therapy, and post-modern Narrative Therapy to help clients navigate their sexual concerns. Here’s what clients can anticipate from our sessions:
- You can expect a therapy environment that prioritizes safety, boundaries, and professionalism. As a pre-licensed professional under the guidelines of the California Board of Behavioral Sciences, it’s crucial to underscore that sex therapy never involves physical touch or direct sexual acts during sessions. My therapeutic approach strictly adheres to ethical standards and regulatory protocols.
- I practice active consent in therapy, modeling it as a trauma therapist. I won’t assume that every session should focus solely on sexual topics, or that you’re comfortable discussing certain experiences or details. I’ll consistently seek your permission before delving into specific topics.
- Processing transference is a vital aspect of therapy. Many clients may experience erotic transference, often accompanied by shame and discomfort. Our sessions provide a safe, confidential, and non-judgmental space to compassionately address these issues, exploring their underlying meanings and connections to emotional attunement, felt safety, and interpersonal relationships.
- You won’t be treated as a monolith. Living and working in the diverse landscape of Los Angeles, I recognize and honor the unique identities and backgrounds of my clients. I don’t assume experiences based on ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, or cultural background.
- Sex will be openly discussed. Many clinicians unconsciously omit questions about sex in their work with clients. This gives off the subtle message: “It is not okay to talk about this in here.” While always seeking permission, I will initiate conversations about sexuality to foster comfort and openness in addressing sexual issues.
- You’ll never be pathologized or shamed for your experiences. Clients often find relief in sharing without fear of judgment. With extensive exposure and training in diverse sexual experiences, interests, and identities, I approach each client with curiosity, acceptance, and celebration.
- Informed consent and confidentiality limits will be clearly outlined. As a mandated reporter, I’m obligated to report certain issues such as child, elder, or dependent abuse, as well as imminent risks of suicide or homicide. Adolescents are informed of additional considerations regarding confidentiality when discussing sexual issues.
- Expect that I will be informed and educated about various sexual issues. While there is no way for any person to develop expertise in every aspect of human sexuality and experience, I am dedicated to ongoing learning and professional development. I actively seek consultation, training, and growth opportunities to enhance my practice and make appropriate referrals when necessary.
- We will work in a collaborative, integrative way. I believe that my clients are the experts of their lives– not me. As such, I work in a highly collaborative manner to set goals and work with their own worldview. I use an integrative approach, and we may weave in trauma therapies, somatic work, talk therapy, and creative approaches.
I am honored to offer trauma-focused sex therapy services in Pasadena, California, as well as statewide across California through telehealth. It’s essential to create safe spaces where individuals can explore this fundamental aspect of identity without fear of judgment or stigma. If you’re considering working with me and would like to schedule a consultation, please feel free to get in touch without hesitation.
