I view pre-marital therapy as the therapeutic equivalent of regular check-ups with your family doctor. Many people were not modeled safe and secure attachment patterns, collaborative communication skills, and functional conflict resolution throughout their lives. Furthermore, each of us brings our implicit biases, beliefs, cultures, and expectations into our relationships.

Pre-marital therapy provides us a contained, secure space to make these implicit beliefs, explicit. It allows us to get ahead of relationship breakdowns by building a foundation of safe, secure attachment, co-created values & family structure, and learn tools for collaboration, communication and conflict resolution.

JEALOUSY & INSECURITY

Jealousy and insecurity happens in monogamous relationships, but it may often feel amplified in the context of CNM. We can address these painful emotions and protective parts in therapy from a radically non-judgmental stance, helping individuals and partners develop more secure attachments to self and others along with needed coping skills to weather any emotional storms.

NAVIGATING MULTIPLE RELATIONSHIPS

Balancing multiple relationships often requires advanced time management skill and a big emotional gas tank in order to tend to everyone’s needs. In therapy we can work on developing increased emotional capacity, self-awareness, emotional attunement ability, and the needed pragmatic skills required to successfully manage multiple relationships.

METAMOUR CLASHES

Sometimes clients enter relationships with people that their other partner(s) do not mesh with, leading to potential waves of conflict and emotional pain within consensually non-monogamous (CNM) dynamics. These challenges can be particularly pronounced when metamours, individuals who share a partner but are not romantically or sexually involved with each other, find it difficult to establish positive connections. A metamour relationship is unique in that the individuals involved are connected through their shared partner but not romantically entwined. Therapy can provide valuable support in navigating and resolving conflicts among metamours, fostering communication, and creating a more harmonious environment.

COMMUNICATION & EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Like any relationship, CNM dynamics benefit from strong communication skills & emotional intelligence (EQ). Therapy can help individuals and partners enhance their communication strategies and increase emotional understanding and attunement, ensuring that everyone involved feels heard and understood.

ATTACHMENT INJURY & C-PTSD

Individuals bring unique attachment patterns shaped by early life experiences into their adult relationships. Secure, anxious, or avoidant attachment styles may influence how individuals approach intimacy, communication, and emotional connection along with how they respond to having to tend to multiple partners or support their own partner’s expanded relationship network. Unresolved attachment wounds can affect nervous system regulation, self-esteem, trust, and the ability to form secure bonds with partners– all of which can get amplified in the context of CNM.

PRE-CNM EXPLORATION

Similar to pre-marital counseling, many couples come to therapy on the precipice of CNM for “pre-CNM counseling,” wanting to work through possible pitfalls, misaligned expectations, and boundaries. Sometimes one person in a partnership is more interested than another, and we use therapy as a way to address this rupture, and determine options and emotional consequences ahead of the couple.

BOUNDARY NEGOTIATION

Negotiating and establishing clear boundaries is crucial in consensually non-monogamous relationships. Sometimes clients enter due to boundary violations or affairs that have already happened in the context of CNM as well, necessitating rupture repair and tending to broken trust.

CRISIS & TRANSITIONS

Like any relationship structure, CNM relationships can face crises or significant transitions (e.g., moving, career changes, child rearing, chronic illnesses). Because there isn’t a dominant engrained societal blueprint for how to navigate these life transitions in the context of CNM relationships, therapy can be a place to obtain added, affirming support and figure out solutions together.

SEXUAL HEALTH & INTIMACY

There are often added complications and considerations when navigating sex and intimacy when multiple partners are present. Therapy can be a space to discuss sexual health, desires, and intimacy within the context of consensual non-monogamous relationships, ensuring that everyone involved feels comfortable and safe.

FAMILY & SOCIAL DYNAMICS & STIGMA

CNM individuals may seek therapy to navigate the complexities of family and social dynamics, especially when disclosing their relationship structure to friends or family members. CNM individuals often face ongoing societal stigmas and judgment, including ample misconceptions, myths, and microaggressions about their lifestyle choices and their meanings. Therapy can be a supportive environment to process and navigate the emotional impact of external perceptions and help build resilience.